Manhood is responsibility...

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Dr. Harry Schaumburg is right. Internet pornography is false intimacy. It's sex with a phantom who has no moles, wrinkles, or bad breath; a woman who makes no emotional demands and bears no children. But God's law limits sex to those men willing to bear responsibility. God says you must vow lifelong fidelity to a woman and you must propagate a godly seed. Sex without intimacy is sex that repudiates responsibility. But, guess what? Sex without responsibility isn't sexy.

I remember waking up in bed with my wife the morning after our wedding day and thinking, "This is the rest of my life!" I was happy. I loved Mary Lee and love her even more today. Still, there was some bit of terror that morning as I realized the irrevocable step I had taken. There was no return. From this day on I was responsible for this dear woman and all the children she would present to me. Somewhere Chesterton says the two most romantic things in the world are getting married and mailing a letter because you can't take either back. You see, permanence and responsibility are romantic. Commitment is romantic. Vows are romantic.

We have young men and women getting married all the time in our congregation, and often they ask...

the older men and women whether we think they should marry a particular woman or man? We tell them it's not our decision. God gave them that responsibility. They can ask our counsel but there's no way to escape the weight of the decision.

Sometimes in the middle of these discussions the man or woman will tell us that their intended doesn't light a fire in their breast. Sure, they like him well enough, but the romance is paltry. Our response is to quote Bonhoeffer saying love doesn't make the marriage but marriage makes the love.

Commitment. Responsibility. Bearing lifelong weight. Vows. Promises. Saying "no" to all other women (including your dear mother) so you can say an unqualified "Yes!" to one woman, your wife and the mother of your children.

Truth is, sex that rejects responsibility is a violation of God's Law, whether that rejection takes the form of homosexuality, pornography, abortion, fornication, or marital contraception.

God did not create sex for the narcissist. He gave it as a precious gift to men who know that bearing responsibility is the heart of their calling and who give themselves to responsibility with a holy joy.

Such men, and such men alone, are sexy.

Tim Bayly

Tim serves Clearnote Church, Bloomington, Indiana. He and Mary Lee have five children and big lots of grandchildren.

Want to get in touch? Send Tim an email!