Missing John DeWalt; analogies and learning to fly a helicopter...

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Moving some very old e-mails out of my Inbox this evening, I came across this list of analogies forwarded by my late cousin, John DeWalt, way back in 1997. At the time John served as the admin clerk for the chief justice of the Pennsylvania Supreme Court. He often forwarded serious and humorous items on writing, one of the chief loves of his life. We miss John very much.

You can read his three-part series on learning to fly helicopters starting here and continuing here, here, and here. Don't miss the the "Input-output" one.

* * *

These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a
high school essay" contest run by the Washington Post:

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like
a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one
of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches
that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever
you banged the door open again.
(Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the
way a bowling ball wouldn't.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty
Bag filled with vegetable soup.
(Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had
an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in
another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
(Roy Ashley, Washington)

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a
sneeze.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in
the center.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets
T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung
by mistake.
(Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
(Unknown)

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
(Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.
(Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life
was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something
like "Second Tall Man."
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55
mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period
after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
(Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
(Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a
thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm
scene in a play.
(Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola
crayon.

Tim Bayly

Tim serves Clearnote Church, Bloomington, Indiana. He and Mary Lee have five children and big lots of grandchildren.

Want to get in touch? Send Tim an email!