A joke circulating in the EU just now...

Recently, in Europe…

A Greek, a Cypriot, an Italian, a Frenchman, a Portuguese, a Spaniard, a Finn, an Austrian, a Dutchman, and a German regularly go out for lunch together. This they did once again several weeks ago. The bill was for 500 euros. Everyone contributed as he saw fit and here are their payments:

  • The Greek, the Portuguese, the Spaniard and the Italian paid nothing.
  • The Cypriot paid one euro.
  • The Frenchman paid five.
  • The Austrian paid 50.
  • The Finn 80.
  • The Dutchman 100.
  • And the German paid 264 euros.

This went on for quite a while. The men met for lunch, ate, and were happy. But then the cook messed things up...

One day he offered to reduce the price by 50 euros, since they were such good guests. This was very nice of him. The next bill was only 450 euros for the ten of them, but the group insisted they should keep the same payment scheme. Nothing would change for the first four—they would continue to have free lunches. But what about the rest?

If they divided 50 euros equally and deducted the result from their previous contributions, each would get 8.33 euros but the Cypriot and the Frenchman would now get paid for going to lunch.

That was impossible.

The cook proposed that each guest should get a reduction proportionate to what he had previously paid and, after some calculations, he came up with this plan:

  • The Cypriot, like the first four, now paid zero (saving 100%).
  • The Frenchman now paid three euros (saving 40 percent).
  • The Austrian paid 45 euros.
  • The Finn 72.
  • The Dutchman 90 (all saving 10%).
  • The German paid 239 (saving 11%).

All of the six who previously paid were better off, and of course the first four still had a free lunch.

But coming out of the restaurant and going over the numbers again, the Frenchman said: “I only got 2 euros of the 50!” Pointing his finger at the German, he whined, “He got 25 euros! That's unfair!!”

“That's right” cried the Cypriot, “I received only one euro and he saved more than twenty times that amount!”

“True! True!” yelped the Austrian, “Why does he get 25 euros back, and I only get five! The rich Germans get everything—as always!”

“Wait, wait!” shouted the Greek, the Italian, the Spaniard, and the Portuguese; “We did not get anything! This system exploits the poorest people!”

All together, they jumped on the German and beat him up.

The next day the German didn't show up, which was too bad since the others didn't have enough money to pay for lunch.

So the group parted and never met again.

Comments

Finally, the Germans get to be the good guys.

I heard some political analyst explaining how the European Union was a post-WWII conception which was partly intended to prevent further German aggression by promoting economic unity. Ironically the EU is now a vehicle for the Germans--who couldn't dominate the continent militarily, after two attempts--to dominate the continent economically.

This is accurate and funny, but perhaps not entirely fair. In real life, the German got something more valuable than any lunch. In the EU, German manufacturers get low-tariff access to every manufactured goods market in Europe. That's worth bribing your lunchmates for.

The historically protestant nations of Europe happen to be awesome at making things to sell. The EU is an arrangement whereby, in exchange for giving the historically catholic nations free money, they get the freedom to sell their wares in those nations without protectionism. It's soured now for various reasons (most obviously the continent-wide cratering of fertility), but while the arrangement worked, it was a pragmatic arrangement for both sides. It was not some crazy German fit of generosity.

Old gag, but still funny: "The European idea of Heaven is a place where the English are the policemen, the Germans are the motor mechanics, the French are the cooks, the Italians are the lovers and the Swiss are the organisers. The European idea of Hell is a place where the Germans are the policemen, the French are the motor mechanics, the English are the cooks, the Swiss are the lovers and the Italians are the organisers"!

Also an interesting tidbit (not entirely germane to the joke but still worth knowing) is that the average Greek does, in fact, work more hours than the average German.  Significantly more.  The problem is that the average Greek is not paying his taxes very consistently, and has to bribe a corrupt, nepotistic, and bloated state every which way he turns.

It is funny; however, it does not acknowledge the Austrians' nobler reputation regarding economics. 

One thing that the EU does provide is a free(ish) labour market across Europe, so that citizens of one EU state can work in the others. This actually works fairly well, even in an EU as multi-lingual as it is. And to make a joke at local expense, there's as much English spoken in Amsterdam as there is in Glasgow (Scotland) - and it's generally a lot easier to understand!

The problem with a free labour market arises if people from a low income country, who will basically work for anything, move to a higher income country where they replace the people who were not willing to have their wages cut... like Mexico and the US.

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