"I think you want a wife" revisited...

(Tim) My daughter-in-law, Heidi Bayly's poem, "I Think You Want a Wife," drew some of the most vitriolic responses this blog has ever received. Most of the ruckus happened in places none of our readers would have any reason to know about or read--a news site run by and for sodomites where special attention is given to the biblical doctrine taught in reformed churches (how's that for exotic, huh?); and several other blogs where women talk to each other about how much they hate God's order of creation.

Contrary to what some think, David and I are not impervious to slander and hatred. It bothers us when people misrepresent our doctrinal commitments, attribute to us statements we've never made and convictions we've never held, claim that we delete comments disagreeing with us, and so on. Having learned long ago that some fools shouldn't be dignified with an answer, we dont' respond, generally speaking. We're fond of the old barnyardism, "Don't wrestle with a pig in mud because a pig likes mud."

But when it's one of my daughters under attack and the attacks demonstrate such complete ignorance of anything having to do with Heidi or her husband, Joseph, it's much worse.

So readers may understand my delight when I read this kindness from Gwen. To have the integrity to actually call Heidi and find out who she is and what she thinks, and then to be so gracious as to say she's changed her mind about the poem? Well, really: I'm moved and very grateful. Thank you, Gwen.


I think we're all quite grateful that your daughter in law doesn't really believe that women should die to self or give up her own dignity to be a better wife.

* * *

Dear Anne,

Actually, because she's a godly woman who honors Jesus Christ, she does believe that women, like men, should die to self and give up her own identity to become one with her husband.

But of course, you knew this already.


Tim Bayly

Dunno why this should be but something keeps coming to mind here, a saying I just can't get out of my head. It begins, "For whoever would save his life will lose it . ."

I know the reference is nearly 2000 years old, but I'm sure I'm not the only one here who's read it, am I?



It's the gospel for this Sunday -- 15th After Trinity -- in the Revised Common Lectionary.

It's from Jesus' words which He spoke to get His disciples squared away after He said those scalding words to Peter and Satan and getting behind Him and all that sorta stuff.

Just read that bit over at Mere Comments about the grandmother hijacking the sex-ed book from her local library and refusing to return it. I think she may wind up in the introduction to my homily on that gospel passage, and it raises the whole question about civil disobedience as gospel witness.

Grand times to be alive!

Maybe the readers would be pleased if Heidi would write a poem about living for yourself instead of dying to yourself.

After all, that's what this world needs, more women who are looking out for number one! We need more women who are absolutley absorbed with self, who live everyday only for themselves, who selfishly pursue money, respect, prestige, and affluence while their childrens' precious toddler years are wasted away in florescent-lighted day care centers. What a beautiful world it would be if all those backwards women out there would stop that putrid sacrificing stuff, all that wiping floors and wiping little noses, making homemade nutritious meals and teaching their daughters home making, all that disgusting cuddling on the couch with books, the nature walks, service to neighbors, the yucky fresh-picked flowers from the garden the kids helped you with. Women, do something important with this limited time you have on earth, like sit in front of a computer and type in a sterile office which also has florescent lights. You will be so glad when your kids are grown that you didn't succumb to the sappy, sentimentality of Heidi's poem and do any of that dying to yourself stuff. This is my attempt to please the disgruntled:

Feminism has something better for you

than wasting away

inside your home

with a bunch of grimy children.

Let someone else raise them

(and make a little money for number one in the mean time.)

Drive a new car.

Wear designer business clothes.

(No more spit up on your shirt.)

Get out of that coffin of a home

Join the real world

Everyone else is doing it.

Wow, you're more than welcome, Tim. Thank you! :)

And excellent clarification about husband's roles too, I might add

Tim, you and your family are a disgrace to Christianity! You should be ashamed of yourself and repent!

P.S. Why do you let your son preach in church more often than others in your "college"? I love the blatant family bias. I guess it is effective in developing your eventual dynasty.

Dear Warm,

Do you know the Bayly family? I can't think of a more absurd comment you could make if you did.

Of course, there's no way for anyone to know because you're too cowardly to post your name. Very brave and bold. Really reminiscent of Elijah calling Ahab to repent. Or any of the other prophets for that matter.

As far as the frequency of Joseph's preaching goes, your ignorance of how the college operates betrays you. If you knew what you were talking about you would have realized that as a student in the college, Joseph didn't take the Sunday morning pulpit for the first time until he was a second year student. Since that time, several students have had the opportunity to preach as first year students. As a reasonable person might expect, opportunities increase with experience in the college. Further, you must be completely unaware of the other teaching opportunities that students are regularly engaged in with the youth group, college group, and Sunday school.

But all of that is irrelevant to you. You have demonstrated that your only intent is to be a vile, malicious slanderer jumping at the first presenting opportunity to spew your venom you can find. You should be ashamed of yourself and repent.


I'm the only other first year graduate of the college, which I suppose makes me "...the other men in your 'college'", as far as your perceived bias in preaching rotation is concerned.

Although I did delight in my preaching engagements at CGS, which would have been more frequent were it not for my own scheduling conflicts, I did the majority of my pulpit work at a church plant in Cincinnati with which I was blessed to develop a close relationship.

A Tim Bayly dynasty? No, a legacy. Although the character of the Bayly family speaks for itself, I will use the occasion of your comment to write what is on my heart: I've been blessed richly to know 1. Joseph Bayly, Tim and David's dad, who, through his writing, teaches me how to think, feel, and suffer like a Christian 2. Pastor Bayly, whose fatherly encouragements, rebukes, and exhortations I can't recount in this short comment, and 3. My classmate and brother Joseph, whose humility, wisdom, kindness, and integrity constantly shine a light on my arrogant heart.

A DYNASTY, Warmly? No, men make dynasties, but God makes legacies. I trust from your comment that you do indeed know the Baylys, at the very least from afar, and that their legacy exposes your own spiritual impotence and moral bankruptcy.

Warmly really doesn't deserve a comment so I won't bother except to say thanks to Steve, Jake et. al.

Leslie, thanks for your comment! I loved it. I'll cross post something Kamilla said:

>Fathers regularly abandon their children - but mothers do as well, when they turn them over to someone else to be raised in the antisocial factories often called "daycare centers" while these mothers go out to find fulfillment in what I can only call wage slavery. Eventually, when many of these children are adults, they are also cared for by someone other than their families, in facilities we call prisons.

I can't improve on all those comments in the slightest! Thanks for posting!

Warmly doesn't seem too warm, does he. I too am blessed to know the Bayly family, and I can assure Warmly that the Bayly's are NOT AT ALL concerned with establishing their own "dynasty" but only with the Kingdom of God!! I praise God for soldiers like the Bayly's who are suffering for the Kingdom of Heaven!

If the Bayly's wanted to establish a dynasty for themselves, it would not be hard for them to think of some topics that would win them a lot more popularity and goodwill among men than the ones they choose to post on here. They have chosen to stand up for what is right even though it is gravely unpopular and wins them no favor, only because they care more about the wefare of Christ's church than their own dynasty.

"Beware when all men speak well of you." People like Hot-head, oh, I mean "Warmly" only testify that the Bayly's are not writing what they write in order to be spoken well of by all men.


Why can't you share the love with me? I mean, surely you can come up with some slanderous nonsense to fling my way, can't you? Why does Tim get all the fun?

I must be wrong on this point. Usually Tim deletes all the posts that justly criticize him. I'm glad to see how wonderfully happy you all are. Just beware; you were warned.

Gotta be some great jokes by Warmly and Neil. Too bad I don't get 'em.

But if they are indeed serious, exactly what is wrong with using a well-earned pulpit to train up a future teaching elder, even if that person does happen to be one's son? The key issue IMO is that those around the young man see the outworkings of the Spirit's work in his life, not that his father also has this calling.

I loved, for what it's worth, the original poem. About once every week or two, my dear wife asks me to pray for yet another sister of ours who...well....due to feminist influences and such, really seems to desire a wife instead of the husband she has.

I've got a keeper, FWIW. She didn't even know what NOW was when we married (I'm sorry I informed her), and she's gotten me my truck, my guns, my power tools, and my 1611...and five kids to boot.

She doesn't have a wife, and I don't have a husband. It's a good thing.

I would just like to point out that if my Dad were going to start a dynasty, he would pass the kingdom to ME, not Joseph. I would make a much more capable emperor (or dictator). Warmly, if you're ever interested in starting a country, talk to me.

Add new comment