Use NFP: It doesn't work, and that's good...

From David Talcott, here's a very funny article on natural family planning. After reading it, I noted its author, H. W. Crocker, is the author of an excellent book I've had my son and several other young men read, Robert E. Lee on Leadership: Executive Lessons in Character, Courage, and Vision. It's excellent.

Comments

Thanks for finding this, Tim! I can't count the number of people who have done double-takes on finding out that I have seven kids. In fact, several of them have commented that surely the latest one will be the last. They simply don't believe me when I say, "Well, we don't really know."

Since I'm the youngest of eight children, I was frequently asked if my parents were catholic. After I questioned Mom and Dad in my innocence how to respond, they told me to answer, "No my parents are just passionate Protestants." I'm not sure if that was an original line on my parents' part, but it seemed to stop people from asking any more questions!

Sarah

Natural: seems a bit unnatural to me

Family: ...or a way to put the whole family thing on hold.

Planning: Not the best planning strategy, unless you're planning for lots of babies, naturally.

NFP: Not For Protestants

NFP: Natural Fecundating Plan

NFP: New Fertility Pill

NFP: Necessary For Propogation

We did the NFP thing for a while. When my sister-in-law asked me about it and how it worked, I said, "It worked great, we got Luke!" So I love the new slogan idea!
We have often been asked if we are Mormons, with our seven.
Pretty funny article. Thanks!

and a wife with little ones barely has time to shower, let alone talk to her husband, save to pass a pregnancy test result across the breakfast table through splodges of spilt porridge as she sighs, "Here's another fine mess you've gotten me into."

Too funny. I think that you don't understand the blessing of children until you can feel this way, and yet still believe that they are a blessing.

Having said that, I'm hoping for a little slowdown in the blessings (ages in months: 36, 14, 0.5).

We have often been asked if we are Mormons, with our seven.

Kim, we get that, too. Which says something about the demographics where we live, because we really ARE Catholic. But around here, the Mormons are outproducing everybody else.

I like to say we believe in birth control, as long as God does the controlling. That tends to shut off nosy questions, too.

Eric, you have some work to do.

My parents have (ages in months):
351 months, 332 months, 305 months, 283 months, 263 months, 235 months, 203 months, 162 months, 148 months, 116 months, and 90 months.

Bring it on.

Umm . . . I'm impressed with your arithmetic, Jon, but your reading comprehension is lacking. My closing comment was not about the total number of blessings, but the rate at which they occur.

It looks like there were never three Crums born within a 40 month period, which we have just had. (Almost within 36 months.)

If your parents had maintained our current pace over the years, you would be one of 14 children, not merely 11.

{A neighboring priest has noted how many young married women these days are without children but doting over dogs.}

Oh my. Surely, the above deserve some exploration of it's own.

Funny stuff.

It's a phenomenon I've seen a lot myself. The couples refer to themselves as their pet's "Mommy" and "Daddy." When a little girl pretends to be a mommy to her doll, that's one thing, but when a twenty-something does it to a beagle, that's a whole 'nother thing.

One of my co-workers has a German Shepherd puppy she does that with. I keep wanting to say, "Look, if you were her mommy, you'd have eight teats."

Joel,
Thanks for fleshing that out for us in such detail :) Julian's mom knows I have a word for these couples--DINKWADS. Double Income No Kids With a Dog. They're a whole breed of their own. And it frequently comes with the excuse that they're "practicing" for kids. That always cracks me up. Yeah, it's really good practice to stick your dog outside for 8 hours a day while you're at work. Now you really grasp the concept of responsibility.

Yeah, it's really good practice to stick your dog outside for 8 hours a day while you're at work. Now you really grasp the concept of responsibility.

Well, with a couple of mine I've been tempted. But they'd probably just scratch their way under the fence.

DINKWADs! I love it! What gets me about such people is how they really seem to equate pets with kids. I can't tell a cute-child story without hearing all about how their little kitty spit the darlingest hairball into their shoes.

My children get Christmas gifts from their "cousin Sass." Nothing says you love my kids like equating them to your Labrador Retriever.

Well, come on, Eric! It's a Labradore Retriever!

My husband and I are DINKWADs. I'll have you know, though, that our black lab, Congo, was reared on the principles of "Growing Kids God's Way" and we both read "Shepherding a Child's Heart" before taking on the responsibility of parenthood to our dear Congo. Congo was getting lonely, though, so we decided it was time to give him a brother or sister. I am five months pregnant. I already bought Congo his "I'm a big brother!" shirt.

Actually, this article and all of your comments made me laugh out loud.

"Since I'm the youngest of eight children, I was frequently asked if my parents were catholic."

People really do make all sorts of assumptions, don't they? I'm working full-time at a bakery right now, and a customer told me today that she is going to leave some Crisis Pregnancy Center materials for me. I'm not sure what gave her the impression that I was facing a crisis pregnancy, and I was slightly offended. Being happily married and in a fine position financially, I wondered what made her think that. I must look either poor, unhappy, or teen-aged. I guess I should just be glad she's out there doing her part, though. God bless her for her boldness and her desire to help.

Michal,

You're a breath of fresh air whereever you go.

Rachel

I'm a SIWNKATC!! Single income with no kids and two cats! I love it, they are a blast, and I do refer to myself as momma occasionally. (ok, kinda often). At the same time I look forward very much to the day that God gives me a husband and hopefully many children, so I can REALLY be a mother.

Before I was a Christian, I hated humans and loved animals. After I accepted Christ, God really changed my thinking on such things. I still love animals very very much, yet I know their proper place now. They are not on the same level as humans, that's for sure!

I do however at times, whenever people coo about their children to me, in turn coo about my cats, because I want to be able to feel like I can relate in SOME way, otherwise there are times I feel strangely left out and out of place, like many singles do at times. I don't tell people about their cute hairballs (that was funny Joel) but I do enjoy telling people the funny stories, such as Nami carrying my shower cap all around the house, and Mia eating the leaves off my flowers in the kitchen. I can't relate what it's really like to have children and boast about them and whatnot, yet I have a desire to do that. The closest I can get is with my cats! (although I want to reiterate that I do not consider them in any way as being on the same level as humans, NO WAY.)

Chantal, I'm with you. I have to admit to responding occasionally to cute kid stories with cute dog stories. Cute is cute, right? But yeah, kids are kids and animals are animals.

I have a confession:

My dogs call me "Nanners." They call my husband "Pappy." Master and Mistress seemed a little stuffy somehow, but I'm beginning to wonder...

The cats would too, except that their mouths are always too full of hairballs.

{{;c))

Rachel

Re: Dogs and cats. I read recently they are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

But I wouldn't know, we only feed boys in our house (five of them).

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