If I Were King of the Blog World: an exercise in constructive blog criticism. . . .

If I were king of the blogging universe I would:

1. Force Doug Wilson to type with mittens--the only way most of us could possibly keep up. Also: have posts on Blog & Mablog stay on the main page longer than a week.

2. Strategically shorten posts at PyroManiacs--or alternatively, have posts continue on a separate page after several initial paragraphs on the main page. There's just too much scrolling.

3. Make Phillip Johnson go back to doing his own blog. Maybe give him a brother to write with so he can rest at times without the blog withering (or veering off in a jarring direction).

4. Refuse WorldMagBlog permission ever again to make a post in the form of a "What do you think?" question. Also, require WORLD's bloggers to read and participate in the give-and-take under their posts.

5. Force all bloggers and responders to get their mother's approval.

6. Ban comic-book illustration.

7. Ban mention of N. T. Wright (now that we've said our piece).

8. Accurate name, address, church membership info and email address of blogger on top of all blog front pages.

9. Auto remove all blogs which haven't been updated for over two weeks from blogrolls.

10. Leave taverns to pagans. Why do Christian taverns tend to produce nasty drunks? The friends I used to drink with grew maudlin as the night deepened. They'd play Otis Redding on the jukebox and sip 3.2 beer, growing quieter and quieter all the while. I had one friend who was a nasty drunk but he's dead--from a punch to the head in a tavern after one insult too many to the wrong man.

11. Require mother's AND elder board approval of pastoral blogs.


Really? As far as I can tell men get far rowdier around fires than at any bar in town.

Oh dear. Typing with mittens could only make me think of Strong Bad ( http://www.homestarrunner.com ). Which of course, in my totally depraved mind, could only lead to this: http://www.kyriosity.com/images/DWasSB.jpg .

By the way, Bill, Mr. Wilson's home page used to have only the 12 most recent posts. Now it has 20. Wasn't that kind? Yes, I hear Mr. Wilson is very kind. And forgiving.

(Bill Mouser, I'm counting on you for sympathy. And perhaps sanctuary.)

Lots of good ideas, many I've thought of as well.

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